Written By: Kate Bigelow

Article is from Psychology Magazine

IS LOVE ALWAYS OBVIOUS?

HOW DO YOU know when you’re in love? Should it be obvious you’ve found the right person? Several members of Psychology Today’s Therapy Directory offer their opinions.

Not Falling for It

“Im on my first marriage, in its 45^th year. Like many others, I never moved into an idealizing state, the sense of “Eureka, she’s the only one ever possible.” – Howard Covitz (Elkins Park, Penn.)

Know What You Don’t Know

“I don’t think it’s obvious or even possible to know definitively at the start. Knowing is an evaluative conclusion that comes after the inevitable rough patches are successfully worked through. You can only know you’re in love when the relationship is sorely tested, and you’ve drawn closer together rather than pushed apart.” –Deah Curry (Kirkland, Wash.)

It’s a Dirty Job

“I think the concept of being in love is overrated. Real love is gritty and requires work. It’s not simply a feeling. Being in love is not at all the same as finding a great partner. Look for someone you respect and admire, whose core values are in sync with yours, and who has the same idea of what commitment entails.” – Donna Lochner (Albany, N.Y.)

Stage One-derful

“To me, the feeling many refer to as ‘love’ is infatuation, that bio-psycho-chemical confluence, and loving someone is really a conscious choice. It might sound like I’m suggesting that people should ‘settle’ or remove the romance from coupling, but I think infatuation is a beginning stage in a process.” – Arthur Matthews (Mesa, Ariz)